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Welcome to my outlet, Porcelain Utopia

Schizophrenia is actually a brain disease, not a psychological problem, though psychological effects often occur.

 Often, I feel trapped, as if I’m on a perpetual LSD trip.


Schizophrenia is actually a brain disease, not a psychological problem, though psychological effects often occur.

There are three primary symptoms that come with my diagnosis of schizophrenia. These include positive, negative and cognitive symptoms.

Positive symptoms add to my daily experiences, not because they are positive within their own nature. They include hallucinations and delusions, with all of my senses, as well as what I might firmly believe to be true, whether it is or isn’t.

Often, I feel trapped, as if I’m on a perpetual LSD trip.

Negative symptoms, which are removed from my own experiences (as I would sense without this mental health condition) involve such consistencies of social withdrawal, flattened affect, speech poverty with a pressure of speech, made up words, often referred to as word salad—an overstimulation on all fronts, if that makes sense. Sometimes, I may not be able to properly groom or interact satisfactorily. My social awkwardness due to schizophrenia can become a hassle, especially when in public.

Cognitive symptoms involve the brain itself, so thought (a pressure of thought, an overstimulation of thought and/or a confusion within my thoughts) is affected. The delusional thought process itself is something I have written about here and there, and all in all, it can seem that several realities exist at once and they compound upon one another. It can be devastating to live with schizophrenia and also extremely difficult for loved ones and caregivers.

The quotes, anecdotes and writing found within Porcelain Utopia might sometimes come across coherently and other times not. I edit, as with all of my artistic work and writing, only to a certain point, to keep enough clarity intact with the goal to emit positive emotions, experiences, meaning and peace of mind whether or not one is diagnosed with, or without, a mental health condition.

I attempt to be completely honest, and I post only what I believe in, even if that changes day by day. I’m aware that some personal content might have not ever actually happened, but in my reality, it all did, and is all entirely true. I aim not to exaggerate or lie though I have been told by medical professionals that my brain disease sometimes affects my credibility. I might lack insight into this at times, and sometimes, I have actually incredible insight, or awareness into what is caused by my schizophrenia and what is not. It’s rare that what’s called my heightened metacognitive skills are one of the bonuses that come with my condition. I have had many successes in the past and now and then I find myself succeeding here and there, even if it’s just getting through a bad day intact. It makes me feel proud, proud of my efforts and my acceptance, my tolerance of what I can’t otherwise control as much as I’d like—my brain, which affects everything.

I must say that my mind and imagination is wildly fascinating enough, not to mention my life prior to my first psychotic break with reality when I was 18 in 1994.

I move onward as often, and as best as I can, waiting for whatever comes next, mindfully so, and as appropriately as possible.

Welcome to my outlet, Porcelain Utopia.

Any medical information here within is not intended to be any type of guide or means of diagnosing or treating any medical or psychological illnesses.

This should go without saying but please seek the appropriate services, physicians or certified counselors if there are any questions or personal medical issues you might relate with on this site. I am not a medical professional by any means. I am just like you. I’m a person. I’m an individual, who happens to have nothing to lose by sharing some of my journeys, thoughts, and inspiration with you. I just happen to have been diagnosed appropriately with several mental heath conditions, which I can draw upon in order to share what I choose.

I wish you well, hoping you find your own peace of mind, in whatever way works for you.

—Jonathan Harnisch

J. Harnisch

J. Harnisch