To Resist Change


Restored Post from October 15, 2011

Dear Readers,

First of all, my two little kittens, my babies, turned two today. Happy Birthday little ones! I’ve never had a pet live that long before, so alas, I’m not cursed! -LOL!

…The weekend is turning out better than expected, though usually Saturdays are pretty OK. By looking at recent patterns, I know what to expect as the likely scenario, hour by hour, until Monday morning, and I know what to expect and what tools to use given the worst case scenario–dealing and coping with schizophrenia but having taken note, again, of patters. Precise patterns: the time of day, temperature, everything, and how it all affects me.

I have a day trip to a ghost town planned for tomorrow, Sunday. Then Monday begins the new week with business as usual, for the most part.

I wait as my work is being saved–work I’ve done, having become a “dancer” of sorts on editing software for both film and video–even photography. I’ve cut a first draft of a feature-length film—edited it down from eight hours to two, and I listen to OMD, Thomson Twins, The Police, and, of course Duran Duran, as I write this–when my work is saved on DVD, I’ll check over what I did and be OK with it–with it not being the final product… yet.

I worked more on a couple of my newer novels, posted my normal motivational material on Facebook, Twitter and MySpace, gained new fan appreciation and app downloads for my music, Schizophrenic & Caregiver on http://www.reverbnation.com/jwharnisch and posted a new video, “Balloon Meditation,” on http://www.youtube.com/user/PorcelainUtopia –it was fun. I had to re-post the video at first, after an onslaught of viewers had seen and even commented on a version that I had altered–putting perhaps too much effort into something simple. My angels and spirit guides–OK, my inner-self–let me know, over and over again, “Be ‘fair’ with your art, Jonathan,” and as for the film–I have the best material now, not later. Let the project be guided by ‘spirit’ and do it’s job. I think if you believe in angels, ghosts, and even in your own imagination, then they become real–they are real–to the believer. Just like thoughts.

My email has been getting hacked almost every day lately, but I let it go. I have things, mainly information, since I save everything, and I file and record every passing minute and nuance in life–and people want that–everyone has things that other people want, but nobody has control. And nobody needs it–nobody needs the illusion of it either. Anyway, I let it all go. No negativity—all negativity I surrender to The Creator, if you will. All is good. Right now. All is at peace in this schizophrenic mind, in this very moment.

I’ve been researching more and more books on schizophrenia, material from all sorts of perspectives. I continue to learn a lot. More like validation of my experiences. I really crave confirmation and validation of my experiences, both positive and negative.

While thoroughly enjoying the new iOS and iCloud that Apple finally put out, I’m good for now. In the meantime, since I’m giving up a lot of domain names and canceling certain patent applications, for example–de-cluttering and simplifying my life and surroundings as much as I can, because neatness and clarity helps me feel better and less symptomatic—I’ve been messing around with a little side project: Got Tics? https://sites.google.com/site/gottics/ for Touretters like me.

I’m getting help labeling and organizing all—I mean all—CDs, DVDs, files, books—everything I own—”OCD-style”—as I call it. We’re painting and decorating the home and offices, and—yes, still dealing with the sociopaths in life—they seems to be everywhere one turns. “Emotional Vampires” is the term I prefer to use. But I am who I am and, while I posted on Twitter the other day, “Change?—Why Resist?” I’m OK with who I am, right now. And right now that’s all that I know and all that I have.

Be well, and be in touch soon. Hope to podcast on The Real Me again in the near future. The episode I recorded last time: “Hallucinations,” had massive re-posts, review and downloads, so I’ve been letting that one linger a little. Good thing recording that episode–it helped me, though I still hallucinate, pretty much on a daily basis. But that’s, as they say, “Just the schizophrenia,” though a good amount of it is, to me, most definitely a spiritual–“psychic”–integration of my day to day experiences. It’s the “staying grounded” and “in the body” part that I often still struggle with.

Well, looks like there are only a few minutes left for the transfer of my new film. Gonna get back on it and take it easy, relax, and “allow myself to be led.” That’s a lyric in one of my songs, “Reach Inside” on the “Inside – Single” album on S&C’s Reverb Nation page—iTunes, as well.

Until next time, bye for now…

Jonathan Harnisch

About Jonathan Harnisch

Author | Mental Health Advocate | Schizophrenia | Artist | Blogger | Podcast Host | Patent Holder | Hedge Fund Manager | Film & TV Producer | Musician
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