October 21, 2013
I just want to, need to, imagine or not, if any of this is real…
I just returned from my doctor’s appointment—the M.D. [Medical Doctor/Psychiatrist], Dr. F. What a relief coming home—traumatic event there with Dr. F. I now sit here at my desk and think about how “screwed up” I must be, with all the schizophrenic symptoms that I’m aware I have—but holy cow! Dr. F. has been seeing me close to 3 years, through thick and thin, and only now the truth was given to me: apparently, I’ve been “imagining” most of my life! I mean, talk about wanting to blog, podcast, call everybody I know and tell them this apparent fact. Talk about life is a living dream, and, that likely, I am imagining this and exactly what I’m writing. E-mails I’ve been sending to her regarding my symptoms and medical needs were never sent, yet my schizophrenic mind seems to “adjust” reality, because I have copies of them, and I offered those involved in the meeting with Dr. F. to search my records—they have the login info—but to me, they come up, to those trying to help me, they do not exist. Imagine that! I think I could talk forever about this—specific details of exactly what I have been imagining—or just allow you all to imagine the impact this has on me. I’m sure there’s been a bit of what they call “gas lighting” going on—my doctor has been in contact with my family, and she even has written approval by me—I imagined that I never gave her approval—so what else is news, Doc? Holy [bleep]!
Calling all fellow-Schizophrenics: you are most definitely not alone!