The Tears of a Clown: Feeling Left Out


Daily Thoughts

I have been in tears all day having lived my entire life so far feeling completely alone, unheard, unseen, abandoned, neglected, taken advantage of, ignored and slanted.

Suffering is an inevitable part of life—the most comforting phrase, “this, too, shall pass…”

My doctor’s words alone often plant many seeds of either recovery or relapse in my mind as her patient.

The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed.
—Buddha

When people love someone, they love even when their loved one might not be all that lovable.

…To try just one more time.

Speak for those who can’t. Someone who’s defenseless or just not able to communicate effectively; speak up and speak out they need your help.

I say what I want to say and do what I want to do. There’s no in between. People will either love or hate me for it.

I let others say and do what they want — I just continue being myself, and I never give up.

I definitely believe in both all that I fear and all that I want.

Onward bound heroically through this perpetual seven-hour long anxiety attack. I’m still here, learning and seeking; resilient and alone in the entire enterprise. My M.D. says it’s a delusion; a lie. I call her out: disability abuse and stigma. By law, I’m so-called ‘stuck’ with her—$400/visit and I still send her my unselfish prayers that she’d find her own peace and love. For real, what’s to lose?

To count my night by its stars—not shadows; to count my life with smiles, not tears… [Trail off]

Jonathan Harnisch

About Jonathan Harnisch

Author | Mental Health Advocate | Schizophrenia | Artist | Blogger | Podcast Host | Patent Holder | Hedge Fund Manager | Film & TV Producer | Musician
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