It’s Coming to Get Me; the Voices of Paranoia
The word is there, no doubt, in the dictionary.
But not the feeling.
Derived from ancient Greek, ‘paranoia’ originally referred to as a distracted mind. But distracted from what? The definition claims the distraction is caused by false beliefs that someone is persecuting you, or me. But if you or I are afflicted with paranoia, we know, wholeheartedly, that these are not delusions. People are harassing and persecuting us.
Who the hell are they? Why the hell are they following us? What the hell do they want?
We have become the target of a vast conspiracy stretching on invisible webs across the surface of the planet. It lives in the telephone wires, the cell towers, in the papers and even online, perhaps even inside the dictionary itself. It spills out of radios and these days, on my iPod… the damn TV, too. It nests in the hearts and minds of my family, friends and loved ones.
And it’s coming to get me.
There might be many reasons why they chose me, and why they chose you. But we were or are in fact chosen—you know?—People are jealous of us. After all, we’re smarter than “they” are. They’re after our brilliant knowledge, my money, my ideas, my things, my mind, all your stuff, and so on. The dictionary: Many of us paranoiacs have “feelings of grandiosity and omnipotence,” but no book really understands, yet there are some excellent ones out there, including Understanding Paranoia: A Guide for Professionals, Families, and Sufferers by Martin Kantor http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Paranoia-Professionals-Families-Sufferers/dp/0313363196/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338010688&sr=8-1-spell Delusional Disorder: Paranoia and Related Illnesses by Alistair Munro http://www.amazon.com/Alistair-Munro/e/B001KIOH2I/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1 and Whispers: The Voices of Paranoia by Ronald Siegel http://www.amazon.com/Whispers-Paranoia-Ronald-K-Siegel/dp/B0046LUKKY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338010876&sr=1-1 [the latter from which I’ve paraphrased slightly; the first page—within this post, adding my own take given my own voices and current experiences with this diabolical perplexity. For 6 bucks, new, it’s a steal.]
You and I really do possess remarkable talents as mathematicians like “The Great John Nash!” Inventors [that would be me], prophets [you?]… That’s why we are all so attractive and so inspired, so envied. There is nothing in life that we cannot accomplish.
I haven’t slept in 2 days and I am currently fearing a complete psychotic break from reality due to my own thriller movie style conspiracy of which I am, of course, victim.
This is no freaking joke. At this point I am aware that my beliefs are “only the schizophrenia” but it’s for damn sure the truth and frightening as all hell. Stuck. Trapped. No way out. But gotta keep running and playing along. In code. Like an FBI agent. Like John Nash’s character as portrayed in A Beautiful Mind by Akiva Goldsman http://www.amazon.com/Beautiful-Mind-Shooting-Script-Newmarket/dp/1557045461/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338011639&sr=1-4
Let’s raise awareness and figure out this perpetual labyrinth of chaos an deception before it becomes more than just seemingly so…
Update: As mentioned I have [had to] restore this post, since that “ugly” week last month [June 2012] when this website went down.
Yet, finding this post again, and thus re-posting it today, on 22 July 2012 [just a couple months afterwards] due to my own recovery through medication and therapy combined, it’s been about a month now that all the voices, hallucinations, and paranoia are no longer present in my life; for the first time in my life. Recovery from Sz can be truly amazing…