Restored Post from March 25, 2011—
You could say that I am smack in the middle of a real nasty depression, way down deep. It’s scary as all hell and it’s terrifying and tragic. It penetrates like a morbid “mystical terror,” to borrow the term from Dostoyevsky. This depression is frightening me. It’s making me quite paranoid, as well.
My goal is to focus on the recovery process in these blogs as much as possible. Although I could detail what I am going through endlessly tonight, while I am here in this God-awful state of mind… I believe it will serve you and me better to just wait until this thing passes. Even writing what I just did is helping me tremendously. It’s past 2:00 AM, and I am feeling a little taste of peace.
Thank you for that.
This is the key: I know this will pass. I’ve got to hang on to that. I’m letting the thoughts pass me by, and I’m fighting my damnedest to get into a good enough place before I get to sleep (if I can sleep at all) so that this won’t carry on into the morning. Staying in the moment while kind of planning my way out of this for the coming hours and days… the best I can do.
With all that I have…
I have usually 100+ daily hits on this blog (and I’ve barely begun…) so I owe it to all of you, who seem to care, to write about the solutions and recovery tools rather than go through all that are just absurd depression symptoms. I mean just read Sylvia Plath for all the sordid details! You know what I mean?
I’ll get through this depression.
As I said in the last audio blog, “If you can handle the depression, the mania’s awesome!”
I will be back.