The Paper Cut of the Past


Today we Live: the Paper Cut of the Past

Dedicated to my wonderful wife who lost her very young mother, forty-six years ago today. There’s not a day that goes by that she doesn’t think of her and all she missed dying so young as she did.

Love,

Jonathan

<<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>Dear Friends</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>,

The knowledge of <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>truth</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> shall indeed make us free. As many of us know, most <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>books</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> of a more spiritual nature, even religious material, teach us that, for one thing, it is not the one who makes the mistake who we must then endeavor to get even with, destroy, or simply not forgive. For me, it comes to the actual mistake—and the mistake, or so-called “wrong-dong” which must be eliminated. Now, as a schizophrenic, the word evil—good and evil, black and white, good and <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>bad</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>—often is the way I <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>think</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>, and even believe. <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>I am</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> recovering amazingly well, happy, grateful, and finally on the <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>right</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>medication</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> regimen that helps make all the difference. But back to “evil.” And now as I recover more and more, evil is having less and less <strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>meaning</strong>. Let’s just be straightforward, evil simply does not even exist, at least for me, and I hope you might find it in your heart, mentally ill or mentally stable, to see and believe that. I’ve certainly been through trauma, literally all my life. Many wounds, even unseen; never truly go away, they linger underneath. <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>I have</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> never witnessed a murder and <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>I have</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> not lost a young child to tragedy. Yet, we all have our own stories, and whether we are paraplegic, if we <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>suffer</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> from general <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>anxiety</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>, or have a paper cut which stings like all hell, it’s all just as profound and hurtful, perhaps evil, perhaps in our psychotic minds it’s the work of the Devil, or the <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>CIA</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>. It all hurts.

Evil has no history. I invite you to <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>think</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> about that as the idea came to me during a meditation just before sitting down to write this, almost like a voice, but not anything unusual. Nothing wrong. It’s reassuring for me to know that evil has never existed. These days I can say that for the first time in my life.

And <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>I am</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> most definitely not suggesting that illness, or tragedy of any sort is anything good. So please bear with me. Besides, I’m getting sleepy here; the <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>day</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> has been long and yet… good.

So no matter what the negations of yesterday, or yesteryear, or whenever <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>in the</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> past (or present) I believe it’s the affirmations we have for today, <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>right</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> now that make the difference (and trust me if you would, give it a shot.) Due to the the positivity which we <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>think</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>, when we can (that is key, sometimes we simply just can’t <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>think</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> this way)—all the negativity <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>in the</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> past, all the evil, even if it takes time, years and years… it can disappear. It can go away. Maybe a memory, hopefully a good one remains. Our more hopeful, grateful and happy meditations, <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>thoughts</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>, and feelings which turn into beliefs, if you give it time, our positive <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>thinking</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>in the</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> now, rises triumphantly over all the past, all that you had always wanted to just forget but never <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>thought</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> you’d get to that point. Things do pass. It takes patience sometimes, and dedicated work, self work; it takes the mechanism of Life itself in many cases, like mine.

As the negativity of the past disappears into its nothingness, its natural state, and we seek to hold onto the beauty, fun and enjoyment—our freedom, we thus behold beauty instead of ugliness. The sublime, the beauty unfolds with patience and it emerges. It gets stronger and stronger  for me, even while I joke and play around and am known to, for example beat <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>stigma</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> in some rather unconventional and controversial ways. But sometimes like <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>right</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> now in my own bliss, my own “euphoria,” my “cat nip trip,” see: <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>http://www.<<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>jharnisch</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>.com/cat-nip-trip/ </<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>I end up perceiving the <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>truth</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> instead of the lies, the false. So beauty appears, and it is; now that which is true, and not delusional, for example (but perhaps) yet the beauty and bliss still does come into view. It stays. Overall, it remains, through my good an <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>bad</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> days, through my <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>anxiety</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> attacks, the pressure I still feel most days, now and then. But I stay resilient. I keep at it. And I stay <strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>, as <strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> as I can be, always doing my best, doing what I’ve got to do which makes me, not anybody else, feel some <strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>peace of mind</strong>—my number one goal in this Life. And at nearly 37 years old, it takes my breath away—all my usual joking and frustrations aside—that I sit here so many times in my sanctuary within the vibrant colors on the walls, sometimes-cluttered, this workspace with film reels and notes and old candy wrappers, I sit in silence and feel the peace. I feel fantastic.

So I ask myself where the false, the untrue, the lies, the so-called “evil”—where is it now that <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>truth</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> has essentially brought me a great deal of freedom? No matter if it never existed <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>in the</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> first place; that might have been a bit of a reach… Those old days are as though they had never been. “Similar, like… as if…” Not necessarily subscribing to the idea that all the negativity had never existed, because even that paper cut or that bumping of your head against the cabinet door, had surely been a <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>real</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>pain</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>in the</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> butt when it happened, isn’t that the <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>truth</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>?

Consider the <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>causes</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> having been neutralized, thus leaving little or no effect. The cause of the lies, the evil, the <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>bad</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>… the past. Once we can stop brooding, weeping or dwelling on the negativity of the past, the shortcomings, failures, mistakes and evils of yesterday, or whenever it was, to steadfastly hold on tightly to the great Reality of today, <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>right</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> this second, no matter what else might be happening externally, in your life as in mine.

Together let’s walk within all the light and sunshine where all the darkness in not present, only joy and love. Forgiveness of the past itself.

These days, without a doubt, I know that every negative condition of the past is generally cleared away from my mind, my consciousness, and my beliefs, again, overall. I hardly even <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>think</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> about it, and if I do, I poke fun or <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>think</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> of it in a way that makes me feel good. I don’t believe any of that which was before has any effect whatsoever in my own Life <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>experience</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> now. Today, <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>right</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> now, I express, with self-<<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>acceptance</<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>>, a perfect Life. Right here and <<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong> class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’><strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>right</strong></<strong class=’StrictlyAutoTagBold’>strong</strong>> now… it’s today that I Live and today we Live.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Harnisch

About Jonathan Harnisch

Author | Mental Health Advocate | Schizophrenia | Artist | Blogger | Podcast Host | Patent Holder | Hedge Fund Manager | Film & TV Producer | Musician
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