Restored Post from March 16, 2011
I don’t know where or who you are necessarily, but I find our connection through this blog quite spiritual, and intimate, and fascinating. My special thanks to all of you who are following me publically, and I encourage more of you, especially those with mental illness, artists, moviegoers, writers and readers in general to follow me, and even interact with me. I love the connection we have and I have hope that more of us connect. It’s special to me. You—are special to me.
I do have good news: I caught up on my sleep last night and was able to start the day with positive energy and a motivated participation; being engaged with the day itself and those who have been occupying it.
One of my caregivers and I had one of those college, dorm-like, intellectual conversations about world politics (problems with, and advantages of), as well as Socialist economies that seem to “work” (Denmark, France). We talked about economic fixes, foreign policies and onto Michael Moore-style realities. The conclusion to our discussion was there are many elements to fixing domestic and world problems. But there are compromises to be made, and that, with good and decent companies like Starbucks or New Belgium (and other smaller employee-owned places), or those who work and are leading by example, it will still likely take many, many years to fix The American Dilemma. As for all the greed, well, those are states of mind that are apparently unfixable. America might come back. I think it should, but we have to be OK with not being the best. A little moderation of thought and belief should be quelled and, honestly, I feel people should be a little more open-minded. After all, why the hell aren’t we using the metric system? Anyway, it would have been a cool idea to record our conversation. It was fantastic.
It reminded me of the illness, and how Sz is a brain disease, thus, it literally affects everything else in the body, mind, and even spirit. I am just elated today that I came out of my funk from the last several days. I feel great!
Other than that, I have been going over my big book project and have given the editor a lot of direction. Also, with my treatment team as a whole, I have been in the mode of increasingly setting up my public image—which will be, and I believe is (and will always be), a reflection of my own true self…in other words, my more private image. I have spent much of the day figuring out who I want my audience to be, while planning different elements of jharnisch.com: additional blogs and medias. For example, a mini-podcast (maybe weekly) Fireside Radio Chat, and biased and unbiased blogs from those who know me, who might perhaps get me—I would like to include them on the website.
Simply put, I am starting to truly prioritize and plan for the things I want in life; what values hold true for me, how I want my arts and crafts to come across, what kinds of emotions I’d like to elicit from my audience, and how I might achieve all of this… realistically, of course. With that said, a lot of commitment, responsibility and passion will be required. When I’m going through the more difficult times, I think I’m getting a head start by getting out of them as quickly as possible. This is important to me. Misery loves company, but I don’t need the misery. I need peace. And today, I have a sense of peace, and hope, and aspiration.
I know this will change. When it does, and I might not be able to expect much, but I sure can try to do what I’m capable of, by using the health that I do have to carry me back to the world, and all of the good in what I like to call, “conventional reality.”
I have a growing list of films and books that have been recommended to me, which I will also have to prioritize. And, I am finally approaching the last of my hard-copy, paper files which I have been organizing (when I am able and willing to), without allowing all of the work to overcome my sense of patience and, yes, resiliency.
My wife and I will likely watch some Conan re-runs this evening, and once my caregiver leaves for the day, which is coming up in a few minutes, I am going to put down on paper more of my plans; and, even action steps that correspond, and try to take it easy.
The little things, the fact that I need to order a new box of post-it notes, for example, usually set my teeth on edge, but I have all that I need and don’t have on paper, here on my desk, so everything is cool, as they say. Is that what they say?
Well, it’s what I am saying now. Laughing at the catastrophe of the mind, the constant, ever-chilling and debilitating, absolutely frightening, terrifying imp of the mind–my mind—maybe your mind, too…? It’s all I have the option of doing right now. And speaking of right now (and not whether I am going to sleep on time… later, what I’m going to eat for dinner… later, or how I am going to be or be not…later), I am here and now. And all those corny clichés about staying in the moment, and staying positive and essentially worry-free, without hesitation—without a second thought—it is possible…and I am doing it now. More will be revealed and shown and learned, and when I slip, I’ll do what I can, when I can.
I definitely signed up for patience in this lifetime, and it’s a tough one. But I’m “making it good,” to quote myself.
I’ve got to go now, but look forward to my next number. I mean my next post! As I say on my music page for Schizophrenic & Caregiver: Let’s just forget the stigma and be friends. Seriously, if any of you have any ideas for me to improve my websites, or just have something to share that might be helpful in general, please tell. It’s been a terrific day, and we’re all doing OK. If any of you get down on yourself, what I would suggest to do is just feel it. Identify it. Some might disagree with me on this, but it’s what works for me. Know that it will pass. It will pass. And then you can keep going…
It’s what I am saying. So it’s not the Word of God! (I’m being intentionally facetious.) There’s no need to worry.