March 1, 2012
Dear Porcelain Utopia Readers,
You all deserve a huge thank you for being such a wonderful and loving audience. You have helped and inspired me to do the things that I only dreamed of doing. You are always there for me when I need your calming manner to help me through the day!
Without you I would not be the person I am today!
I can never be thankful enough for all of your support and encouragement.
Thank you for everything.
This morning, having just awakened, my inbox was filled to the max—big surprise. The ‘Letters To God’ post seems to have come out of nowhere—well, from December 2011. It seems to be the latest post going ‘viral,’ perhaps, and again, with no advertising or funding.
Porcelain Utopia had been dropping in its popularity stats (yet 12 million hits in the past year!) But as always, I receive such lovely letters from a lot of you. Some visitors to Porcelain Utopia seem to search for something, finding whatever they came for, within the many different facets on this site. Some of PU’s audience basically find whatever it is they’re looking for, then move on. Then, there’s that small percentage of you who return on a very regular basis (about 10%). I think those of you kind of ‘get it all—’ the full spectrum within the Utopia. I find that to be just fantastic. It works.
Again, without you I truly would not be the person I am today.
My overall goals, no matter the endeavor, are to put it all out there for free, and my only hope is: to affect somebody who is external from a referral, or a friend (a stranger, basically) hopefully positively, just to touch that one person—that’s it. I have succeeded because of you. All of you.
Back to my inbox—so many of you have written me me the most thoughtful words. Thank you, so very much. I tend to reply to all who write, so please give me some time, and don’t be afraid of length, or content—it’s not a bother to me. I love connecting with all of you. It’s genuine. It really is.
So as I step-step-hop-jump into the shower and grab myself a cup of coffee—225,000 hits in the last few hours—you never know what is going to be a “hit”—so, ah! As I awaken today I continue prepping for the release of the new music LP for my band Schizophrenic & Caregiver (on iTunes, Amazon, etc.)—the title is a play on schizophrenia, “Schizo 4 Life”—just another side/facet of me—another outlet.
Another spectacular day it is! I slept well, and will be re-watching my DVD of Chaplin’s ‘City Lights’ having seen ‘The Artist’ on an afternoon date with my beautiful wife yesterday, so there it is! My grammar and spelling might be awry on this update but I am so elated with joy, and looking forward to my coffee, and, well, a cigarette! I also have been toying around with one of my Super 8mm film cameras, so I plan on more fun with that, later today.
The kittens—boy are they wonderful—appropriately named Georgie and Claudia, yet they are completely different creatures than the characters you might have read about in my literature—Georgie has been taking showers with me—I have to get that on film or video one of these days (appropriately, of course!) All of our animals are super smart and joys of wonder to be around—well, for the most part, I grin to myself.
All is well, as it’s said, and I’ll be back, The Real Me podcast is getting a more and more awesome listeners and subscribers, just beyond belief, so thank you, thank you, and thank you—for your ‘confirmation’ which I had not asked for nor expected—that what I’m doing is a good thing; that which I do, while undertaking the tumultuous symptoms of schizophrenia and trauma on a daily basis, because it is what I do—all on Porcelain Utopia as the main hub, that makes me happy, brings me joy, and gives me the encouragement and the peace of mind I have always dreamt of.
At the bottom of this post, I’ll include—anonymously, though this particular person has given me permission to share this, and another 50 or 55 letters, just this morning but I’ve only read the first 3 or 4 so far… Boy, you all are—wow!—just so good to me.
You’d be surprised how many understanding people and just good people there are in this world—this very small world where there are tons of people. Some want nothing to do with others, and some are just doing their own thing, and the rest—I think are similar to when you might see an actor on a television interview, and you think, ‘Wow, that person just seems like a Good Person…’ you know?
I love all of you. As Jerry Springer says (boy, it’s hard to believe this quote comes from him!) but:
Take Care of Yourselves and Each Other
This particular connection especially humbled me to my feet:
Ever since I ‘stumbled’ upon your blog/website, I’ve been drawn to want to contact you. Just wanted to let you know that you are doing a GREAT service in the mental health arena especially those affected by some sort of condition. I guess looking back I was pre-destined to end up with severe depression (as one psych. diagnosed me with—I have a cousin on both sides of my family with it, so I suppose I was next? LOL)… and I’ve tried all sorts of anti-depressants but all of which just seem to just ‘Band-Aid’ up the problem? Then a few years ago, another doctor (actually two, after I wanted a second and third opinion) diagnosed me with depression with a mild form of bi-polar… I do remember several therapists in the past suggesting it to me but when it came to moving further and seeing a psychiatrist; I caved and wouldn’t follow up/through with the appointments. In my early 30’s, and after seeing how I was destroying relationships due to my mood swings, I was beginning to see myself from the outside in and how ‘crazy and irrational’ I must appear to people and saw yet again another therapist and shrink and just jumped both feet into therapy and medication, etc.
Another thing that hit a note with me in your blog was when you said something along the lines of: I don’t know why the people that want nothing to do with me are trying so hard to control me? My immediate thought was: My father EXACTLY! To him, money is power, (my mom and I jokingly say, ‘He’s the one with a disease’). We’ve had a very tumultuous relationship every since my teens, speaking/not speaking for years at a time every time I do something or choose to live my life the way I want, especially when it’s something HE does not approve of or thinks I shouldn’t do. I guess you can say I’ve always had this internal conflict between what I want for myself and what my father wants me to do? Can we say where part of my depression stems from?
Anyway, I know my thoughts and words are rambling and completely random but I was telling my mom about you/your site, etc. and she even told me I should contact you, too. But what I wanted to tell you is that you are doing a great job and brave enough for speaking about and addressing issues that I think people are often afraid to talk about or aren’t comfortable talking about for fear of being called ‘crazy’ and fear of once people know their situation won’t be taken credibly or seriously? If that makes sense? I don’t know why but a lot in your blog, were and are compelling because I can relate to and saw a lot of similarities in my own life and wanted you to know you are not alone. Just wanted you to know. You always have an ear that will listen.
So please keep up the great work! And glad to see how well you persevere!